Oh Goody: Bugs!

While I’m sabbatical, AKA shifting my sleeping patterns, enjoy this walk down memory lane.

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A Bug’s Life…Is Short When It’s Inside My Trailer

Originally posted June 21, 2012

Disclaimer: if you don’t believe in killing bugs when they’re in your home, then you won’t like this post. That’s your prerogative. It’s mine to kill as many as I can.

Got ready for bed, turned around and the bug exhibit from the zoo had inhabited my trailer.

They were miniscule, but they were still bugs. (How did they get past the bouncer?) I don’t know many species there were…perhaps ALL of them?

They were concentrated around the lights over the bed, which made killing them easier, but less fun for the reality of when their corpses fell. Oh yes, I channeled Bruce Willis and took on the enemy. With a vengeance.

What Awful Rhythm You Have

Like a drummer playing to her own beat, I hit the wall and ceiling for each and every bug. Sometimes I had to search = pause. Sometimes it was in succession = staccato. Regardless, it couldn’t have sounded good: erratic slams and tiny bug screams.

The Guest List

A spider was hanging from the ceiling. I am absolutely serious.

Black, hard-bodied #$%^% that look like a pumpernickel seed and that required me to bisect them with my nail in order to die. Good times.

Seemingly freshly hatched moths, according to my years of entomology study, who have superb reflexes, little buggers.

You Lookin’ at Me?

After an obsessive amount of time ticking them off one by one, I stood back, hands on my hips and said (out loud), “Alright, who’s left?”

Now we came to the matter of how they got in. They were all tiny, so some gap in the screen? No fresh air tonight.

The next challenge: opening the screen door to get to the real door to close both–all without letting in the flock of large bugs vying for entry. Deep breath. I squirted the screen with mosquito spray and hit it with the fly swatter. That stunned them enough to get the doors closed with only one (naive) big bug getting in. As it flew past I screamed like the girl that I am and then promptly killed it.

A Good Night’s Sleep?

Instead of lovely nature sounds and fresh air, I slept with an air conditioner as subtle as a plane engine. At least it drowned out the frantic wing flapping of the bugs trapped between the door and screen door.

Plus there’s the matter of bug blood on the bed and ceiling. Blech. Thankfully not on the sheets. Guess who’s doing laundry in the morning? AND cleaning the ceiling. Have YOU ever cleaned the CEILING…?

Seriously, have you ever cleaned the ceiling? Why?
And/or what’s your favorite bug story?

3 Responses

04.05.13

Your best line of the week: How did they (bugs) get past the bouncer?

On the Georgia coast, there are gnats small enough to get through regular screens. The locals call them no-see-ums. The bastards bite. (The bugs, not the locals. ) You can get extra-dense screens, but they screen out the light and air. It’s a never ending battle and I salute you, Madam General, for your victories on the road.

04.05.13

Just as funny the second time around! It’s always good to revisit good humor. As for bug stories, do roaches qualify? They’re big down south. Cinderella could have hitched the coach to them instead of to mice. I’ve had numerous run-ins. They crunch when killed. Nasty. In college, before I became roach brave, I once got rid of a pesky one by throwing a phone book on it. I don’t recommend that. Besides, there are no more phone books. Wow. I’m old.

You turned off your inside and outside lights when you opened the screen door, right? May I ask where you are parked—-so I can stay away. I am not sure I could have dispatched as many bugs as you did. They definitely give me the heebie jeebies, but having been both a camp counselor and a mother (to two boys), I have had to learn to mask my fear. There is no quicker way to make children hysterical than for them to see their counselor/mother lose it when confronted with members the phylum arthropoda.

What I said, “Oh it’s just a little bug.”

What I was thinking, “OMG, what am I going to do with that giant spider? Girl, get a grip. Don’t let them see you squirm.”

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